A Volley from the Canon: 5 The Great Banquet

The Great Banquet

In this instance, I don’t mean the Heavenly Banquet. I mean the one we put on at church every time there is a gathering of any kind. We have, I think, three motivations. First, the pragmatic one: “feed them, and they will come.” We believe, and have some evidence to support, that people will attend if they know they will be fed, with little or no cost or effort of their own. Second, the theological one: what we serve at church is somehow emblematic of the heavenly food of the Kingdom. Therefore, it should be our best, our “party” food, normally reserved for special occasions, but then, any gathering in God’s house is a special occasion. Third, there is the sinful one: Perhaps we like to show off a little. And then, perhaps we like to indulge a little in that perennial favorite among the Deadly Seven, Gluttony.

I call your attention to the word Deadly.

It is my contention that we are killing ourselves with our church dinners, receptions, and refreshments. Ironically, the better one’s attendance at church events, the worse it is for one’s physical health. And whose attendance is pushing 100%? The clergy, that’s who. We are killing off the clergy, and the most active lay people in our congregations, by constantly serving them foods our doctors have forbidden us ever to consume ourselves.

What foods, you ask? Throw a hot cross bun at the serving table, I respond, and see what you hit. Doughnuts will kill nearly anybody. But constant cookies (and we know how to bake some irresistible ones), “celebratory” cakes (we can celebrate anything), a parade of brownies, and dinners with a mayonnaise theme all qualify.

In all seriousness, we ought to consider:

· The epidemic of diabetes is frightening, and growing.
· We are the fattest state in the union.
· Hypertension and related disorders are prevalent.
· We are an older and aging church population.
· Our children and grandchildren learn from what they see us doing.
· Aren’t health care costs high enough already?

To return to the three motivations cited above: First, I believe they will come if we serve attractive, fresh, naturally tasty and healthy food, too. Second, theologically speaking, shouldn’t we be all about health and wholeness rather than decadence and indulgence? Thirdly, isn’t facing and resisting sin what we are into? We can still compete over who has the prettiest and most interesting dish of healthy fare. I don’t know if one can overeat salad greens, but we could try.

Yes, I know there is nothing we can do about Aunt Madge and her potluck penchant for heart-stopping covered dishes. Perhaps just a spoonful would satisfy both her and our urge to splurge. But wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had the choice of mounding up the rest of our plate with colorful, fresh vegetables (please, not just salad from a bag), and delectable fruits, served with non-lethal dressings or sauces?

Now, that’s heaven.

A Volley from the Canon: 4 No Sign of an Episcopal Church in This Town

Check out your church property: is the main sign identifying the church building (where worship actually occurs), placed to be noticed, or placed NOT to be? Contrary to all logic, we have some in this diocese that are discretely located so that they will not be seen until the church has already been found and the car stopped!
Sure, the church sign looks great tucked into that inset of the church building, placed at parallel to the church wall, or perhaps even attached flat against the church wall. That means it is perfectly readable—to someone who has already located the building, parked the car, gotten out, and found the main entrance. But the newcomer who has no idea where the Episcopal church in town is located has passed by and is now checking out the larger “Methobapterian” church down the street, which has a large, lighted, readable sign right out on the church lawn facing traffic.
Let’s drag those church signs out and place them in view of the people who need to see them! (And while we’re at it, a little landscaping, please.) The little swinging metal signs we are ordering are great for directing people toward the church from the edge of town and from intersections leading to us, but they are not intended to be the main church sign. And here are some additional points:
· Light the main sign if at all possible. People pass by on Saturday night, too, and we do have evening events. (Solar-energy spotlights are available.)
· Choose a simple, easy-to-read lettering, and stick to it. BANISH GOTHIC TEXT! NO ONE CAN READ IT!
· Include “Episcopal” in the church name. That is who we are.
· Make the worship times large enough to be seen from a moving vehicle.
· Don’t bother with the name of the rector, unless he is famous, or perhaps if she is a woman (which might attract the inquisitive). Otherwise, no one cares.
· Include the congregation’s web address. A majority of first-time visitors now check out the website first, before they ever attend worship.
· Don’t use jargon like “Eucharist” or “Rector.” Once inside, people begin to learn our terminology, but the sign out front is not the place to hit them with it.
· Do include brief parking directions, such as “Parking in the Rear.”
I don’t know if we’ll ever get to the point where the attendant at every Seven-Eleven knows that there is an Episcopal congregation in town, and where it is. Maybe we could get to the point, though, where most people looking for us don’t have to stop at the Seven-Eleven to ask.

A Volley from the Canon 3: Tidiness

Last summer, my Congregational Development training group visited a downtown parish church. It’s been there for decades, serving a neighborhood that has risen and fallen, and is rising again. Members come from a pretty wide territory. Many are older folk, but there is a mix of younger adults, and some children. The main activity of the congregation outside of Sunday worship is running a large, well –known food pantry from their premises (lower level). The congregation is not in hard times, but it is not heavily endowed or in high clover, either (there is an assistant priest, but she will serve only three years, because that is when the funding for her position runs out).
So what struck me about this rather traditional Episcopal church? It was IMMACULATE! Sure, they’d been warned we were coming, but not early enough to have done a complete overhaul on the entire premises. This place was simply well organized and very carefully tended. For example:
· The worship space gleamed. Floors were polished, along with pews and everything brass. Stained glass glowed with cleanliness. Art, equipment, and devotional objects were placed precisely where they needed to be, to support, but never distract from, the main event. Nothing seemed to be hung or placed just because someone liked it, or it had been given as a memorial. Everything had a reason to be exactly where it was—and that reason fostered prayer and the worship of God.
· The landscaping was equally intentional. No garden kitch whatsoever. Just carefully chosen shrubs and flowers, flawlessly trimmed, without a weed in sight.
· Each bulletin board (and there weren’t many), had a purpose, but just one purpose. Each was colorful, attractive, and informative. None was a catch-all for all imaginable news. Every one was current.
· The hall was set up for the meeting that was taking place. No paraphernalia remaining from a previous meeting, or needed for the next one, was visible.
The upshot of all this was that I was totally impressed. I’ve visited dozens of Episcopal churches, rich and poor, big and small, high and low—but I had never seen one so well-maintained and so, well—LOVED—as this one. The conditions said that staff and people in this place really cared about their church, took some pride in it and the impression it made. They beamed with big smiles while they talked about their worship, their fellowship, and their food program. Yet clearly, they took their ministry seriously.
Nobody lectured us on this meticulousness. In fact, no one mentioned it at all. They didn’t need to, and I took away a great and valuable lesson, just by noticing.
If I were looking for a church in that city, that one would make my short list immediately.